


Speak Up Your Heart

by junbunnie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 02:15:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16801693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junbunnie/pseuds/junbunnie
Summary: After having a weird dream, Junmyeon finds himself incapable of filtering his thoughts, simply blurting them out even when he tries to keep his mouth shut.





	Speak Up Your Heart

“Junmyeon can you help me finish this files?” Junmyeon hears his coworker Jongin ask. He looks over the time on his monitor. 18:15. He is already 15 minutes late to go home, he shouldn’t even be here. “Uhh… Yes sure” He replies instead of telling his coworker his shift has already ended. Truth to be told, Junmyeon was the one who trained Jongin in the company when he was still an intern, he feels like he should help Jongin with anything he's having trouble with. “How much is left?” he asks already opening a new tab on his computer to start (or re-start) working. “Not much Hyung… Just… 15 pages.” Jongin announces it in a sad tone. A chuckle could be heard from Junmyeon’s flatmate Jongdae from the opposite side of their shared table, making Junmyeon give him a warning look. “I guess I’ll be going.” Jongdae comments standing up from his desk and turning his computer off. “I can play League of Legends from home. Good lucky with the files, and I see you home Junmyeon”.

This time Jongdae gives a warning look to Junmyeon. He knew exactly his flatmate personality: Junmyeon would do anything to help others and not let anyone down, to the point he forgets about his own well being. He was unable to say ‘no’ to people or answer anything the other wouldn’t like to hear. What would be great if their boss acknowledged him. But he didn’t. And in fact always asked for him to do overtime work with only a small remuneration.

Junmyeon did his best to get over with Jongin’s files as fast as possible but even with both of them working together on it, they did not finished until 8pm. Jongin yawned widely one last time as he finished his last file. “I’m done Hyung.” He said weakly stretching his arms lazily. “I’m done here too. 15 files in 2 hours. I think we did a good job in the end” he chuckles “Now we need to rest. Let’s get out”. Junmyeon says gathering his things and finally standing up from his chair that already had the shape of him on it. “Thank you for your hard work Hyung” Jongin bowed for him next to the exit. “I’m sorry I pushed my mess to you. I’m really thankful to you.” Junmyeon couldn’t help but smile shyly and patted the coworker’s back. “You worked hard too, no need to thank me. I’ll see you tomorrow” Junmyeon says as he walked towards his car.

“Kim Junmyeon you are pathetic.”

It was the first thing Junmyeon heard when he walked into his shared flat. He rolled his eyes dramatically as he sighed loudly. “Thank you for the lovely welcoming, Jongdae.”

“When are you going to stop agreeing with everything?! You only tire yourself over everything and doesn’t even get anything back! Did you just thanked me for calling you pathetic?!” Jongdae says to him in a furious way, moving his arms on the air as he speaks.

“First off, that was sarcasm. Second, I feel good with it. I enjoy helping people with the best way I can. There’s nothing wrong with it! And plus Jongin is my junior, I trained him!” Junmyeon tries to defend himself.

“Do you want to feel good about yourself? Do charity work! What you do currently is slave work! You work your ass off for that company and you don’t get anything back- Oh no you get something. You get more work without even a promotion! I’m not even talking about Jongin here, if you had left work right after your shift ended you wouldn’t even had to stay there until 8! You are lying to yourself. You lie to yourself every single day! Don’t you think I know? Every time you speak you think and rethink a million times what is in your head before actually saying.”

At this point Junmyeon couldn't defend himself anymore. He was lying to himself. About all what Jongdae said and about many other things.

In the next day Jongdae and Junmyeon headed to their workplace as always, both of them were trying to not mention anything about what they talked about last night. As they sat on their places Jongdae immediately shivers. “Bro- It’s cold in here!” He complained to Junmyeon. “You think?” He says shrugging slightly not really paying attention to his friend. “It’s definitely cold!” he heard Jongin approaching them. “Can’t we get the heat up a little?” Jongin asks the two. “We can’t. The boss have explained we must keep the temperature medium so all workers can feel comfortable. We aren’t allowed to change it” Junmyeon explains calmly.

“To keep all workers comfortable?! Look around, everyone is freezing wearing coats!” Jongin complains and all three look around the office to find the exact scenario that Jongin described. Men and women from their office wearing coats, scarves and even using warm packs.

“I don’t know why you guys feel so much cold, I’m good right here.” Junmyeon tells another lie to his friends and himself.

Moments later Junmyeon was in mid of his work, eyes travelling everywhere on the monitor searching for the smallest errors. He was very concentrated on his own work to hear anyone calling for him. Even his own boss. Living with Jongdae daily has taught him how to block any kind of distractions while he worked.

But Jongdae had also learnt how to get Junmyeon out of his ‘concentration bubble’ as he called it himself. Jongdae kicked Junmyeon’s leg heartlessly.

“Ouch! Jongdae!” Thankfully Junmyeon noticed something odd on Jongdae’s expression on him, he looked shook and silent? Junmyeon turned to his side slowly as he also felt a presence next to him. Of course, it has to be his boss.

“Oh Mister Kim!” Junmyeon quickly stands up apologising to his boss repeatedly.

“I’m sorry to disturb you guys, but I would like to know if it is possible for one of you work a little overtime today, we have some extra files to archive today. We got a new contract with a big company so… You know, tons of files.” Minseok, their boss, explained to them carefully. “Who volunteers themselves?” Minseok asks already looking at Junmyeon.

“I do.” Junmyeon says nodding and faking a smile. “I can work overtime today, that is no problem.”

“That’s our Myeon! Work well!” With that Minseok walks back to his office.

“That’s our Myeon? Congratulations on the promotion, ‘Myeon'. Maybe you get to change the water filter now, ‘Myeon’…” Jongdae mocks silently enough for Junmyeon to hear and throw a paper ball at him. “Why would you volunteer yourself? Don’t you have a date to go or whatever?”

Junmyeon felt uncomfortable with Jongdae’s questions. That’s because… He also lied to himself about that part. Ever since Jongdae and him started living together, they have spent a lot of time together, watching movies, cooking, going out for groceries and helping each other every time they have any personal problems. Once, Jongdae’s parents were visiting him in the city but apparently the hotel they had booked a room had oversold rooms back at the time, and they ended up without a free room, Junmyeon offered his own bed for Jongdae’s parents and slept on the same room as Jongdae on the floor. That night he wondered why he did it. He felt it wasn’t only because he respected his parents, there was something more but he couldn’t tell. Maybe he had started to feel attached to Jongdae? Does he… Nonono. Let’s brush that thought off.

“I…” Junmyeon was lost with his own thoughts to reply anything.

“When was the last time you actually went out on a date Hyung?” Jongdae kept asking and Junmyeon felt the palm of his hands starting to sweat.

“I..”

“Do you need help with it? I can set you on a date you know. Don’t tell me you never realized how the girls on the office looks at you.” Jongdae teases winking at Junmyeon then indicates with his head to Haeun, their sale’s coworker.

“What-- No I don’t want-- I don’t need it” Junmyeon stammers feeling his cheeks getting red. He tries to hide it by dropping his pen on purpose, bending down to pick it up again.

“Right~ Your cheeks say otherwise. I’ll set you two-” Junmyeon quickly interrupts Jongdae’s speech as he hit his own head under the table in surprise. Jongdae hears a muffled “No…” coming from under their table and he just laughs at his flatmate. Junmyeon had something special in Jongdae’s eyes, he was so clumsy and adorable at the same time.

“Are you alright down there, mate?” Jongdae asks trying to hide his laugh and walks over him helping Junmyeon get up without hurting himself again and takes the opportunity to check if he had really hurt himself. “Your head looks pretty fine. In the outside of course, I’m not so sure about the inside.” He laughs. “Sometimes I wonder what happens inside it, you know?” Junmyeon tries to stay still as he was examined and bites his own bottom lip after what Jongdae says. He could never know what Junmyeon thinks of him… No… That could not end well. Brush off that thought as well.

During lunch was one of the only times during weekdays that Jongdae actually sees Junmyeon interacting with their coworkers and not talk exclusively about work. They all sat on the same table chatting with each other when Jongdae has an idea. Maybe, just maybe, if he talked to Minseok and do the overtime work today instead of Junmyeon, he could also convince Haeun to go out with Junmyeon and maybe he could relax and stop working overtime every single time. The plan was sat on Jongdae’s head, he takes out his phone to message the girl and then quickly excused himself from his friends to talk with their boss. Closer to 6pm Jongdae gets up from his seat and just heartlessly unplugs Junmyeon’s computer with a sharp smile.

“Hey! What was that for?! I still have to work overtime, did you forget?” Junmyeon was mad, but never would he let it show, specially on his workplace. He just took in the stress he felt and walked over Jongdae trying to get the plug from his hand so he could start the process of turning on his computer again, which always took a long time. “Give me”

“No” Jongdae held the plug away from Junmyeon.

“Jongdae, this isn’t the time to joke, I’m working. Plug it again” Junyeon talks slowly.

“You are not doing work overtime today. Not today.” Junmyeon frowns hearing Jongdae and when he is about to say something, Jongdae speaks up again. “I talked with Minseok during lunch, I’m going to do the overtime work. And you my friend, you are going out to have dinner. I scored you a date.”

Junmyeon widens his eyes frozen on his place “You did… What?”

“I scored you a date with Haeun. I know what you are thinking but don’t worry, I also went home to get you an outfit. It’s on your table drawer. Don’t need to thank me but I think you should start to get ready, don’t keep Haeun waiting!” He says with a victorious smile on his face.

“I can’t believe you-”

“You are so lucky to have a great friend as me huh?”

“Yeah…” Junmyeon trails off looking down but nods to Jongdae anyways. “Thank you for working hard for me… Friend.” He says and simply walk back to his table taking out the said outfit to go to the said date.

A million thoughts were running through Junmyeon’s head. He was thankful to have such a nice friend as Jongdae who does such great things for him, but something didn’t feel right. What was this feeling? He finishes getting ready on the company bathroom and looks himself at the mirror. He looked good. Jongdae really knew how to choose a good outfit for him. His face looked so fade… So tired and.. Sad? Why was Junmyeon sad? He should be happy right? Brush off…

The date has been absolutely normal. Nothing special happened, after getting ready Junmyeon met up with Haeun and Junmyeon drove them to the place Jongdae had reserved for their dinner. Junmyeon had to acknowledge that the place Jongdae had chosen was very romantic. A little too much for Junmyeon’s liking… or maybe he just wasn’t with the right person he wanted to be with.

“So… This has been a very romantic dinner right?” Haeun asks suddenly bringing Junmyeon back to reality.

“Uh… Yes. It has been so perfectly smooth.” Junmyeon replies feeling a little awkward.

“You know… We could do this more times…” She trails off placing her hand on top of Junmyeon’s, making the male sweat. “You were really sweet asking me out… Next time you don’t need to send over text, you can come over and talk.”

“I…” Junmyeon stammers again extremely uncomfortable now. Should he hold her hand? It doesn’t feel right for him. What have Jongdae texted the girl? “I’m having a lovely night.” Junmyeon says taking a glimpse over his watch. “It’s getting late.... We should get going.”

Junmyeon asks for the bill and pay it all with his own card. He doesn’t mind paying it for the food, but he does wish he had spend with someone else. He drove Haeun back to her house and soon enough he finally reaches home and falls onto the the flat’s couch.

“Good night, prince!” Junmyeon gets startled with the sudden nickname. Prince? What was it about? He can’t lie… It made his heart skip a beat. “How was the dinner with your princess?” Jongdae approaches Junmyeon sitting by his side on the couch while Junmyeon only sighed. How naive of him thinking it was a new affectionate nickname Jongdae had came with. He wished he could tell Jongdae how incredibly uncomfortable he felt during the ‘date’. He wanted to tell Jongdae everything but then… He worked so hard for him to have a nice night out, even made the overtime that he recklessly volunteered himself.

“It was great, Jongdae.” He fakes a smile. “We had so much fun tonight. How was… work?”

Jongdae smiles along proud of it. “Work was… work. I’m really glad you had fun! Isn’t it good to relax a little and have some time off?” Junmyeon nods slowly agreeing to Jongdae. Or at least pretending to agree.

“I feel tired. You must be feeling tired as well, Dae.” Junmyeon smiles gently as he gets up to go to his room.

Jongdae simply smiles and sighs loudly. He was glad his flatmate was happy because of the date he set for him. The way Junmyeon called him kept echoing in his head. ‘Dae’ such a nice way of calling him, sounds so sweet and caring. What an odd feeling, he had never heard Junmyeon calling him like that.

  
In that night, Junmyeon slept earlier than he usually does. He slept with his window open since it was a hot night, the chill breeze from outside made him feel comfortable in his sleep.

_“Junmyeon…”_

What was this voice… It's so calming and relaxing…

_“Junmyeon”_

It was calling him. He was definitely Junmyeon, should he follow it? He could only conclude was dreaming after all, dreams are supposed to be fine right?

_“Why are you naive my son?”_ The voice speaks again.

“Who are you?” Junmyeon asks

_“Someone you should listen to.” In afar a small figure of a woman can be see. She looks old. The figure continues to walk but Junmyeon is unable to see the face. “You keep lying to yourself.”_

“I-- I'm not lying to yourself” he replies back startled.

_“You just lied again. Stop… Where will it bring you? Come closer…”_

Junmyeon look at the woman suspiciously but walks forward anyway… “What is it?” As he got closer the woman thinking she was going to whisper something to him, she slapped him across the face making his cheek become pink and consequently wake up.

“What the…” He mumbles to himself sitting up on his bed in pure shock. “That was so creepy. Why did I get slapped for?!” He keep talking to himself as a light breeze comes into his bedroom, making his curtains to move but not much after it stays still again as if there was no winds at all. “And this night keeps getting weirder…” He gets up from his bed to close the window.

The next morning Junmyeon woke up with an odd feeling, his head seemed to be slightly hurting. It was probably because he was hungry, he thought. Junmyeon walks towards the kitchen extremely sleepy when from afar he could see Jongdae sat down already eating his breakfast.

“Looking handsome as always as soon as he wakes up…”

Junmyeon notices Jongdae drastically turning his head to Junmyeon with his eyes widened as if he had heard something shocking. “What did you say…?” he confusingly asks Junmyeon.

“I didn’t say anything… I just woke up, Dae.” Junmyeon chuckles a little moving closer to the fridge to get himself some food. “Good morning to you too”

“I-- I could swear I heard something…” Jongdae still dumbfounded tells him.

“Maybe it was the neighbour's TV, Dae. Or he has gone completely mad…” Junmyeon says but then feels an odd feeling again. Did he… Say the last part out loud? “This is weird… I’m probably still too sleepy.” he says out loud again without realizing.

“What is weird?” He hears Jongdae asking from the table.

“What in the fluff… Nothing. Probably the overtime work has finally affected my brain.”

This time Jongdae chokes on his own food after hearing it and starts to cough. “Did you just really complain about your work?!”

“When do I not complain-” Junmyeon then widens his eyes realizing he was actually saying it out loud. “I mean-- Work is terrible--” He uses his hands to cover his mouth but keep talking with a muffled sound “Why is this happening to me--”

“Why is this? what??” Jongdae asks more confused than ever.

“Nothing!!! I said nothing!! Uh-- I think I forgot to--- go to the bathroom. Yeah I forgot to go to the bathroom! You know-- urine problems--” Junmyeon mentally facepalmed himself after that improvised lie as he ran into their small bathroom.

“Urine problems…?” Jongdae asks to himself confused but continues to eat his food.

In the bathroom Junmyeon splashed water on his face and then stared himself on the mirror. He didn’t seem sick, he hasn't hit his head… What was this all about?

“Kim Junmyeon, you are a mess what’s freaking wrong with you?!!” Junmyeon gets himself startled with his own vocabulary. “I never say such thing out loud--” He then notices he said out loud again. “This will bring so much trouble… Why can’t I filter the heck of what I’m saying?!” He groans pulling his hair a little. “Fine. Kim Junmyeon. You are a grown man, with a job and good reputation, you are no brat with a skate with low behaviour or vocabulary. Time to be adult.” Junmyeon finishes talking to himself on the mirror and nods confidently.

He then walks back to the kitchen to meet Jongdae already doing his dishes. Once Jongdae noticed his flatmate making his way to the kitchen he immediately asks if he was okay.

“Is everything alright Junmyeon? I didn't know you were having urine problems. Do you need anything?” Jongdae calmly yet worriedly asks him.

“Your lips on me.” Junmyeon gasps with his answer making Jongdae himself gasp in shock, where was grown Junmyeon, the adult Junmyeon?!

“I mean I’m good for now- We should get going to work--” He quickly tries to correct himself from the huge mistake he has done.

This was going to be a long day.

Junmyeon tried to keep his mouth shut the whole way to the office, it should be easy right? ‘Do not think of anything, don’t do anything…’ It would be, if he didn’t keep saying out loud these sentences repeatedly to himself. At this point Jongdae was more scared than curious about what was happening to his friend.

The moment both walked inside their office, the freezing air conditioner welcomed them making both Jongdae and Junmyeon shiver. “Good Lord, this place is cold as always!” Junmyeon complains out loud making Jongdae stare at him. “You always said you were fine with it…”

“I lied.” Junmyeon cringes internally. “I mean-- I think today it’s extra cold huh? O-Or I’m just extremely sensitive” he fakes a laugh as he sat down to finally start working. As he turned on the computer something seemed wrong. “Why is it taking so goddamn long to turn on?” he asks himself a little too loud.

“Hyung! Never have I ever seen you complain! This is new!” Jongin says approaching their table laughing. “You know, it would be a nice idea if you plugged in your computer first” He chuckles bending down to plug for Junmyeon.

“Ah. That’s right. Jongdae and that damn date idea.” Junmyeon mumbles.

“Date huh? Hyung went on a date last night huh?” Jongin teases Junmyeon wiggling his eyebrows.

“No- It is not like that-- He set me up but.. Jongdae is listening…” He says out loud his own thought on the last sentence and looks awkwardly from Jongin to Jongdae. As if Jongin has noticed the clue that something was wrong, he immediately lies.

“Hyung, actually I need you help on something, could you follow me?”

“Now-?” Junmyeon complains but the way Jongin was looking at him told him something. “Yes, yes sure.” He gets up and follow Jongin to the ‘relaxing room’. Which Junmyeon had never been or had any idea it existed. “Woah. So we have a place like this huh?”

“Yeah we do… Have you never been here Hyung? This is where people have their break from work” Jongin asks curiously and Junmyeon shakes his head. “Anyways. How was your date? Why didn’t you want to talk about it in front of Jongdae Hyung?”

“It was terrible.” Junmyeon then covers his mouth again. “Jongin help me… I can’t shut up.”

Jongin frowns looking at Junmyeon confusingly trying to understand him. “What do you mean?”

“Every goddamn thing I think, I say! Ugh, sorry about my vocabulary I usually filter all swear words and find the best sentences but right now I’m unable to!!” Junmyeon says all in one breathe.

“Okay, okay, calm down.That sounds like a nerd freak out. Right, that is not important now. Why was the date terrible? Just let Jongdae know it wasn’t really your thing.”

“I can’t do that! If I talk to Jongdae about why the date was terrible I might as well slip my confession to him!” With that Junmyeon covers his mouth again with his mouth frozen at his place. “I just came out to you-”

Jongin stayed still trying to comprehend all the new information Junmyeon had just thrown at him. Did he actually just confessed he is gay? Not only to Jongin but to himself?

“I mean-- I--” He tried to explain himself but Jongin shushed him shaking his head and placed his hands on Junmyeon’s shoulder.

“It is alright Hyung. I get it, don’t overreact! I’m going to help you. We need to keep you away from Jongdae until we have this fixed. If you really like him, it should come from the heart.” Jongin explains calmly then gives him a hug.

“Thank you…” Junmyeon mumbles softly resting his chin on Jongin’s shoulder. “Jongin?”

“Yeah, Hyung?”

“That’s a damn strong fragrance you have.”

Back to the table Jongdae and Junmyeon shared, Junmyeon noticed a coat hanging by his chair. He carefully picked up to try to find who was the owner of it, maybe someone left it there by mistake.

“It isn’t a mistake, it is mine, Junmyeon.” he heard Jongdae speaking from his side. Right, Junmyeon almost forgot he basically says all his thoughts out loud. “It is for you… I know you are not the one to complain about anything at all and.. when you said you were cold I couldn’t help but give you mine.” Jongdae explains carefully smiling shyly in the end.

“How sweet…” Junmyeon comments and smiles just as shy as he wears the coat. “Thank you Jongdae.. It means a lot” he says not really sure if he would say the last sentence if it wasn’t for his ‘situation’ but he was glad he did.

Whatever had happened to Junmyeon to make him say every thought of him out loud, was serious. He could not think about it at all, not with so many people around him in the office, specially Jongdae. The only way out of it was referring to his ‘urine problems’ every now and then so that he could excuse himself from their table, and have a private talk in the bathroom. To himself.

In one of his trips to the bathroom he met up with someone he wasn't particularly hoping to meet, Haeun.

“Myeon~! Can I call you Myeon? I think it’s cute. Our date last night was truly so great. I wish we can go out more you know, and maybe we could some other things as well~” She says suggestively already wrapping her arms around Junmyeon’s neck. Junmyeon kept focused. He doesn’t want to come out again, he doesn’t want to hurt her.

“Right… Y-Yeah.. Uh.. But.. I can’t really… Go out..” He stammers his words.

Haeun tilts her head confused. “Why not?”

“B-Because… I-- am having urine problems.” Junmyeon bites his bottom lip as he gets more nervous.

“Oh no~! Is there anything I could do to help? It really must hurt down there huh?”

Junmyeon immediately chokes with the air after hearing that shakes his head quickly “No! Nononono, I-I don't think you could help at all- Just--- Let me… go… to the… bathroom” Junmyeon says embarrassed with his own lie.

“Oh! You mean now?! Right, right… Uh that’s really… blocking the mood” She laughs awkwardly. “Ah-- Let me set you free-” Haeun keeps laughing awkwardly as he unwrap her arms off him. “See you later~”

“Ye-Yeah-- See you later-” Junmyeon says as he run into the bathroom.

He is in such trouble. Such big trouble.

  


“Junmyeon-ah”

“Hm”

“It’s time for lunch now” Jongdae informs him like he always does. It has become some something usual to him, Junmyeon never realizes when it’s time stop working, even for lunch.

“Gosh finally. No wonder my stomach has been doing his weird sounds.” Junmyeon mumbles.

“Were you hungry Hyung? Why didn’t you say anything? You could have had a snack…” Jongdae questions him slowly, confused by the sudden confession. Junmyeon never says if he is hungry in his workplace.

“I didn’t want to stop working, the most work done the best.” He says biting his bottom lip shyly. This whole experience is making him realize how he really is not just the Junmyeon he wants that people see. “Let’s go out to have lunch. I’ll pay today.” He continues to say without a reason.

“What for?”

Junmyeon stays silent this time. He will say. He is about to say. He can’t filter it anymore.

“I want to spend more time you”

“We live together. We always spend time together.” Jongdae asks confused.

“I know. I just enjoy your company.” Junmyeon says sincerely to him making Jongdae smile widely.

“Okay. Okay-Okay.” Jongdae nods taking his phone and shoving it into his pocket. “Where to, Hyung?”

“There’s still place I always pass by and thought you’d like.”

“Oh? Why you never told me?” He tilts his head.

“I wanted the perfect opportunity.” Junmyeon face palms himself internally. He just slipped it. He had planned to bring Jongdae there the day he confessed to him, this has been burning all his plans downhill.

Soon enough Junmyeon and Jongdae where in their way to the restaurant and Jongdae still thought Junmyeon was acting awfully weird. He really wasn’t the one to do any of the things he was doing today. He appreciated this ‘new’ Junmyeon, he couldn’t deny. Junmyeon has always been special one way or another.

“Here we are” Junmyeon announces as they stand in front of the place. He walks in front of Jongdae before he could do anything and held the door open to Jongdae, who smiled thankfully to him and walked inside it.

“Woaah Hyung! You have a good eye for new restaurants, don’t you?” Jongdae exclaims looking everywhere inside the place.

A waitress approaches them. “Hello, table for two?” The both guys confirms it and the lady shows them a table just by the window. “Here are the menus, when you are ready to order you can just call me.” She smiled politely and walked back to the balcony.

Junmyeon and Jongdae picks up the menus and starts to read them. “Everything seems so delicious. How is it even possible to choose only one?” Junmyeon exclaims happily as he read the menu. Jongdae instead of reading was watching Junmyeon. He had never seen him this happy. What was different from before? “Have you decided yet, Dae. I really think I’m unable to!!”. Noticing Jongdae hasn’t been replying to him, Junmyeon places down his menu to look at him. “Hey?” Junmyeon waves his hands in front of Jongdae. “What are you staring so beautifully at?” Junmyeon chuckles a little embarrassed. “I mean, it looks like you are daydreaming about something.”

Jongdae blinks a couple of times before the could concentrate on what Junmyeon was actually saying. “Hm? Oh-- Y-yeah- I’m choosing here” He laughs a little hiding his face with the menu. “Cheeseburger sounds good” He mumbles from behind the menu. But truly, he didn’t read anything at all. He just said the first thing he saw.

“So cheeseburger for you, Dae? I think I’ll have the spaghetti. Spaghetti sounds romantic.” He mumbles the last part which was actually meant to be only for him.

“Hm? Romantic?” Jongdae repeats him questionably.

“Ah-- I mean-- romanian.” Junmyeon frowns surprised with his own words. “What… Y-Yeah I meant Spaghetti sounds romanian. Doesn’t it sounds?” Junmyeon laughs awkwardly raising his hand as he calls for the waiter not leaving much time to Jongdae to say anything. “One cheeseburger for him, please make it as perfect as possible, he deserves, and a spaghetti for me!”

The waiter nods as she writes down the orders, and quickly leaves for the kitchen. Jongdae keeps staring amusingly at Junmyeon as if he tried to understand really hard what was going on inside Junmyeon’s head.

“If you keep staring at me like that I might as well smooch those lips.”

Jongdae gasps leaning closer to Junmyeon dumbfounded. “What did you say??” he whispers completely in shock.

“I said… Where is the food right? Is taking so long already” Junmyeon laughs sipping his water glass.

As if the universe, for once, was in Junmyeon’s side that day, the waitress bring their foods to the table with a bright smile. “There you go, guys” she says placing the plates in front of them.

“Thank you for the food”

“Thank you”

Junmyeon and Jongdae respectively says and starts to eat. After that, their lunch was peacefully and comfortable for both, each paid for their foods and walked back to their workplace. 

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you feel alright?” Jongdae asked before sitting on their places again.

“No… This is driving me crazy”

“Driving you crazy?” Jongdae repeats. “You didn’t enjoy lunch?”

“NO!” Junmyeon says a little too loud, “I had so much fun, I don’t remember the last time I had such perfect meal.” He keeps talking feeling his cheeks turn red.

“But… You said last night, on your date, it was so great…” Jongdae trails off.

“I---” Junmyeon widens his eyes not knowing what to tell him. It was the exactly the opposite of it. “I--- regretti the spaghetti.”

“What?”

“M-My urine problems… remember? It made worse--” He fakes a laugh. “I need the bathroom- I mean I need to go to the bathroom”.

Junmyeon needed to control his thoughts. He doesn't want to say anything inappropriate or confess to Jongdae just like that… He doesn't know himself what he actually feels for him. Getting some water on his hands from the men’s restroom, Junmyeon splashes himself on the face, in hopes of waking himself up from whatever dream or nightmare he could be having. Unfortunately, this was his reality and nothing changed.

“Myeon-Ah!” He hears someone calls him as the person walked into the restroom. “How’s my favorite employee going today?”

“Couldn't be worse” Junmyeon answers without noticing he said out loud. And to his boss.

“Excuse me? Did something happen?” Minseok frowns a little worried from hearing the first complain coming from Junmyeon.

“I mean…. I'm having problems.. Uh urine problems” Junmyeon trails off embarrassed, of all lies he could have thought, was this really the one he's going for all day?!

“Ah… I understand it well, I actually have quite a lot.” Minseok tells him searching for something on his pocket. “Here! I have some extra pills with me, take one and trust me you will feel better!” He says handling the pill to Junmyeon, who looked at it surprised and scared in a way.

Never he had thought that… Minseok would have those kind of problems. And now if someone finds out he made such lie, especially Minseok, they would think he was making fun of it.

“I..am not sure”

“Don't worry, it's not strong. You will feel better soon enough!”

“A-Alright” Junmyeon takes it on his hands and awkward stands still waiting for maybe Minseok to go out.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I… don't think it's a good idea”

“Just take it! If you trust me, take it”

Junmyeon was at a dead end. He simply nodded to him and slowly swallows the pill.

The pill does work. It makes Junmyeon not want to go to urinate all day, but it didn’t solve his problem at all. At least before when he lied about going to the bathroom he didn’t feel so bad because he could really take the opportunity to do his necessities. Now he feels even worse since he can’t use as a lie, and he of course doesn’t feel like going at all. He decided then to excuse himself to get coffee. As he waited for the coffee cup to get filled he kept tapping on his pockets, anxiously waiting for it.

“Myeonnie!” A female voice calls for him. “Isn’t fate great? I also want a cup of coffee!” She giggles to him.

“Y-Yeah…. Fate has its twists…” Junmyeon mumbles to himself.

“Myeon, when we can we go out again? I feel like I want to spend time with you, get to know you better” She says leaning against the wall.

“I'm not so sure about that.” Junmyeon replies. “It’s not that I didn't enjoy our date it's just that-- I like men”

Haeun and Junmyeon were silent for a moment. Junmyeon had yet again came out to someone. And to someone he really wasn't planning to. He knew he would have to tell her soon or later that, she wasn't his style but maybe not like this.

“You said what? Are you gay??”

This was the kind of situation Junmyeon always had nightmares of, if someone overreacts to his coming out. But really, he can't blame Haeun for it, just yesterday he went out with her on a date as a straight man.

“Hmmm” Junmyeon wasn’t able to reply. “Yes” he just said. “I mean--- Not gay, gay-- Gay like--”

“What is happening here?! Is that why you were avoiding me? Do I look like a guy?!”

“No- that’s why I avoid you-” Junmyeon covers his mouth quickly embarrassed of his coming out.

Both of them gets silent again absorbing the new information. Junmyeon couldn't believe he was coming out to the second person in only one day of speaking out every single thought.

“You are unbelievable!” Haeun gasps to him. “We are over.”

“I- I’m sorry...?” Junmyeon says as she walked away, she definitely didn’t hear. “Or not really…” He said it to himself as he grabbed his coffee and walked back to his table. Junmyeon’s head was a mess. What would happen now?! Would she tell Jongdae that his flatmate just came out to her as gay and dumped her? What was Jongdae going to think… How was going to Jongdae react to the news…

From his table Junmyeon could see Haeun was texting someone and coincidently or not Jongdae’s phone ringed right after. He wonder if she had told him everything. He would be in such problem.

After some time he notices they kept on texting each other. What if Jongdae was asking details about it? Junmyeon felt like breaking down right there in their workplace. Noticing Junmyeon’s constant tapping on his on table with a pen and his legs trembling from anxiety, Jongin texts Junmyeon asking what was going on. After explaining to the youngest Junmyeon really wished he had hacking skills so he could check what Jongdae was texting about.

<Please Jongin…> He begs to the youngest. <Talk to her… I can’t risk Jongdae to know it..>

<What will I say? ‘You look sad, did something happen?>

<There you go! You know exactly what to do!> Junmyeon texts him back.

Jongin rolled his eyes at him from his desk and walked over to her place to talk. Junmyeon felt nervous the whole time Jongin was there. What were they talking out. Noticing how nervous his friend was Jongdae offered Junmyeon a cup of water, which the drank in less then one minute, could have been even a world record but Junmyeon was too worried in that moment. Finally when Jongin was back, they walked to the balcony and he told Junmyeon she wouldn’t be telling anyone, because _she didn’t want to people think their date was that bad that turned Junmyeon gay._

“I’m sorry that she said such rude things Hyung…”

“It is okay I guess… I knew I would be getting this kind of treatment… Not everyone is accepting…”

“Things like that happens. But don’t be sad, whatever happens I’ll be here to support you.”

“Thank you Jongin….” Junmyeon sighs loudly a little sadnening. “This day has really not been great. At least Jongdae doesn’t know about the true reason. Hope he knows I’m not a jerk”

“Junmyeon Hyung, Jongdae knows you better than anyone here. Whatever version of the ‘break up’ Haeun told him through text, he’ll just know it is not true.”

“I hope so… But then, what would be the reason?”

Jongin smiled at Junmyeon patting his shoulder “Whatever version it is, Jongdae knows you. He know you would have your own reasons. Let’s go back inside.” He says as walking back inside followed by Junmyeon.

Before Junmyeon’s and Jongdae’s shift was over, Junmyeon excused himself once again to go to the bathroom trying to calm himself down. He was going to alone with Jongdae again for the rest of the night, he can’t let anything out. He must control his thoughts to prevent himself from saying anything shocking to Jongdae. After talking to himself on the bathroom mirror, Junmyeon walked back to their shared table to get his things to go home.

“Are you good?” Jongdae asks politely as he gets up to go.

“Yes, yes. I’m ready to go home. Today was a crazy day.” Junmyeon chuckles slightly following Jongdae outside.

Junmyeon was thankful that during their way to get home he didn’t say anything too much. They were having a nice conversation about their surroundings and laughing over tv shows they watched lately and regular things. As soon as they arrived home Junmyeon excuses himself to go to the bathroom again, he was feeling his palms sweat. He was really holding back his thoughts through all the way to their house, he needed to relax himself now.

“No. Junmyeon what’s going on today?!” Jongdae suddenly snaps. “You keep going to the bathroom all day!”

Junmyeon gets startled and widens his eyes ready to excuse himself again. “I-I told you… Urine-”

“Urine problems. Whatever!” Jongdae interrupted Junmyeon angrily. “But I know it is not that! I just know it. Tell me.”

“Ani-Aniyo… I..” Jongdae then walks over Junmyeon, making the other step back until he hits his back against a wall.

“Junmyeon. Don’t you trust me? I am the closest to you! I saw you this morning with Jongin! You were hugging him after you two talked. You two were having a serious conversation. What was it? Do you like him? And then Haeun, she broke up with you? What happened?”

“I..” Junmyeon stops himself not being able to think of anything else. His mind was completely blank.

“Junmyeon!”

“I can’t filter my thoughts. I can’t-- Everything I think I say it out loud.”

“What?” Jongdae tilts his head “What does that mean?”

“I-- found myself unable to control my thoughts. If I’m hungry I’ll say out loud ‘I’m hungry’, if I think I may have forgotten my keys somewhere I’ll say ‘I think I have forgotten my keys in the car’ out loud. To anyone to hear”

“Why didn't you say it to me before?” Jongdae frowns still confused about it.

“Because I didn’t want you to find out.” Junmyeon defends himself.

“Find out what?!”

“That I love you.”

  
  


There was a silence after it. Both men staring at each other eyes, not completely sure of what to say to each other. Junmyeon deepest secret, the one he kept away from everyone, the one he kept away from himself was just blurted out by him to Jongdae. To his face. Only a few inches away from his own.

Jongdae felt like his heart had stopped. Junmyeon…. Loves him? In a romantic way? In the way people date? And kiss? And say ‘I love you’s to each other? He thought Junmyeon was straight… He.. went out in a date.. A straight date that Jongdae himself had set for him with a girl yesterday. His mind was so confused, he always felt Junmyeon was special, he loved having him around and seeing him happy. Never had Jongdae thought much of it, he convinced himself Junmyeon was straight and that never would get a chance but staring at Junmyeon so close to him, right after saying such words to him made everything else fade. Once Jongdae’s sense was back he quickly grabbed Junmyeon’s neck and kissed his lips passionately. Surprised with Jongdae’s sudden action Junmyeon widens his eyes, slowly realizing he wasn’t dreaming and those were Jongdae’s actual lips touching his. Feeling himself relax against the kiss he slowly holds on the hem of Jongdae’s shirt, tugging it lightly as he began to kiss Jongdae back.

Both of them were blushing madly as they pulled back. Junmyeon keeps looking at their feet shyly as Jongdae kept staring at Junmyeon’s lips as the couldn’t believe those lips kissed him back in the end.

“You are not straight” Jongdae whispers

“No” Junmyeon whispered back.

“Why did you go out with Haeun?”

“You set me up… I couldn’t let you down.”

“She broke up because you are gay”

“Yes”

“Why were you hugging Jongin?”

“I came out to him. And told him my feelings for you”

“Since when everything you say, you say it out loud?’

“This morning.”

“So you do think I’m handsome as soon as I wake up.”

Junmyeon chuckled silently remembering the first thing he said to Jongdae this morning.

“From now on, tell me that every morning.”

Junmyeon nodded smiling softly.

“I love you too.” Jongdae says and smiles back at him sealing their lips together once again.


End file.
